Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize