lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
