While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Randomize
