Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
