so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
