I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
