i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
