I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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