Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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