These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
