We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
