im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
