break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
