well I can't set my house on fire every night
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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