Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
