my mouth tastes like poor choices
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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