I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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