you would pick up someone in the library
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
