dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Sext me about skeletons
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
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