I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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