woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
the night ended with taco bell and tears
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize