i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
