I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
