True but thats because hes a fetus.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
