Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize