Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
there is glitter all over my balls
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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