k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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