Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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