it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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