If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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