The maid of honor just puked.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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