i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
lets start a swedish sibling band together
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
