Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
i now understand why vodka
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
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