Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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