Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
as a side note pls kill me
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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