If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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