Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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