I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
you have to choose: penises or morals?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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