I was born with a shot glass in my hand
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
