That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
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