p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Randomize
