I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
So squirting runs in the family.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
