just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
