that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I have aggressive nipples.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
