Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
