what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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