Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
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