11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
