i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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