Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(708): View more from Illinois

i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.

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(703): View more from Virginia

She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine

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(414): View more from Wisconsin

You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.

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(214): View more from Texas

Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.

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(859): View more from Kentucky

Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.

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(203): View more from Connecticut

Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.

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(248): View more from Michigan

We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.

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(314): View more from Missouri

Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.

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(765): View more from Indiana

Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?

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