I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
