someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Farmville is her only friend.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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