You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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