do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
