I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize