How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
