dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
