I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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