What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
