what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
