We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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