i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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