I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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