don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
