Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Terrible idea I love it
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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