His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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