He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
