I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
