True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
